Dude, I Ain't Got No Writing Talent

I hope the subject line made you cringe.

My brain hurt having to write it. It's a wonderful example of poor English. However, it might be considered real dialogue. It might even give flavor to a character in a scene, for good or ill, in a book.

Current vernacular is appropriate for dialogue in novels, screenplays or in verbal exchanges. Mangled English can give hints as to a protagonist's or antagonist's background, history or culture, or intent. Nothing like injecting a little relatable reality to a story to capture a reader's interest.

Writing as you speak or converse should not be the method used for writing a thesis for college, or a cover letter to go with a resume. There's a certain expectation for correct grammar, punctuation and spelling aptitude that a professor or hiring HR director looks for. No professional report, grant or article, or anything that strives to be professional, will be taken seriously if it is riddled with sloppy grammar/spelling and pop culture colloquialisms.

Readers have the same expectations of a novel - good grammar/spelling but with realistic dialogue. Grammar mash-ups aren't out of place in that venue.

The same cannot be said of a review.

Reviewers need to avoid sloppy writing, especially if you want to be taken seriously.

Please avoid:

Should of (should have)
Could of (could have)
Sayin' (saying)
Nothin' (nothing)
Gotta (got to)
Sista or Sistah (sister)
supposably (supposedly)
definately or defiantely (definitely)
Text-Speak

Issues with:

Your vs. You're
Its vs. It's
Too vs To vs Two (it's happened)
Peek vs. Peak vs. Pique (a common, too common, issue)
Alot - no no no - A. Lot. It's two words. Two separate words. A lot

Be alert for:

Pluralizing words with apostrophe S (throwing pies is load's of fun, his chicken's are breakdancing)
Being too familiar - (Dude, this book knocked my socks off, Sista, you gotta read this! )
Using profanity (This book scared the shit out of me!)

Don’t make nouns into verbs.
Starting a sentence with and/but/or - those go in the middle of a sentence connecting two related sentences, because they are conjunctions.

Forgetting to capitalize the proper nouns in a book title.
Forgetting to capitalize the beginning letters of a sentence.
Forgetting to check the spelling of an author's name, character's name or book title.

I know there are more examples. In fact, I'd appreciate it if visitors contribute their own examples of "sloppy writing" pet peeves. Highlighting them might make mistakes quicker to spot and easier to avoid.

I'm Conflicted

Have you ever felt that way?

I have. More than once.

Conflicts come in many forms but in this case it's regarding the making of a decision. Do I or don't I? Should I or shouldn't I? Can I or Can't I? Will I or won't I?

Doesn't matter how you ask it, the important fact is, the question has to be asked and answered.

In my last post, Everyone's a Critic, I mentioned about conflict of interest and how it can compromise your review.

This post explores a different aspect of the same beast.

When you review because you feel as though you ought, because of friend, crit partner or any other emotional bent, the previous post explained why you should say 'no'.

I want to touch upon those folks that review for more than one site, or those that like to post their review of the same book on multiple venues like Amazon, Goodreads, etc.

Writing a review for those places is fine.

What this post is hoping to achieve is to create in a reviewer an awareness of consequences.

First, I understand the emotional satisfaction of being accepted as a preferred reader for such places as NetGalley or Edelweiss. Being able to read books long before the general public has access is a natural high for any fan of the written word. It's wonderful.

When isn't it wonderful?

When it skews statistics. When it divides your loyalties. When it causes conflict. When it inadvertently leads to accusations of plagiarism. When intellectual property is threatened. All of this is possible.

Once again I need to clarify that this post is geared to those reviewers who review for a professional site. To sharpen the focus further, this is targeted to those sites who also, in their professional capacity, have contracts with those same NetGalley kinds of sites.

The question should be: Who do I review for?

The answer: One or the other, NOT BOTH.

I repeat: You can not review the Same book for BOTH sites - or a multiple of sites.

But you ask: Why not, especially if I write a completely different review?

First - and the obvious: Unless your opinion of the book (like vs dislike) has changed drastically (which it shouldn't), you are sharing the same opinion. As such, and which brings me to the second point, you are skewing the statistics. If you share reviews on Goodreads, Amazon, the review site you belong to, and anywhere else where statistics matter, then you are not allowing an honest and fair assessment of the book to occur.

It's almost like being a shill at an auction - driving the price up so the item will sell for a higher price than is warranted, than it otherwise would.

I realize that's not what most people intend. I say 'most' because there ARE unscrupulous people out there. But the effect is the same. If you share your review with four sites, it looks as though four different people are liking the book for the same reasons, but in actuality, the number is one - you. Multiply you by 100 doing the same thing and think about how that affects the book. If the publisher thinks that many great reviews are out there, they equate that to sales. But take away the You Effect and what is the reality? Three HUNDRED of those reviews are invalid.

Did you ever think about that?

Another conflict is this.

If you take a book from NetGalley under your own name, you can NOT review the book for anyone else or anywhere else. It has to be your own personal blog. That is what NetGalley expects from you because that's the agreement. By the same token, if you review for a site that also contracts with NetGalley, they can't use the book that YOU personally took from NetGalley.

Only books that THEY request from NetGalley can be reviewed on THEIR site.

In other words: NetGalley and Edelweiss expect you to post the review on your own website or blog, and don't mind that you do it on Goodreads. You'd be linking back to your own personal blog anyway. The problem arises when a professional website, like LASR, (not a personal review blog) has their own account, but their reviewers are posting the NetGalley reviews on their personal NetGalley account and not the professional website.

Do you see the conflict? Do you understand where I'm going with this?

Intellectual property is serious business. Whether you get paid or not - monetarily, in books, or you do it out of the sheer joy of sharing, when you submit a review that will reflect the site, the reputation of the site, and will be credited to the site, it becomes the property of the site.

What is NetGalley is NetGalley's. What is Edelweiss is Edelweiss'. What is a professional review site is the professional review site's. What is LASR is LASR's.

The goal of this post was to enlighten, guide and teach reviewers about another aspect of reviewing. The business side. And how every review you write has greater worth than the apparent.

You matter.
What you think, matters.
What you say, matters.
Where and how you share it, matters.

End the conflict.
Make the right decision.
Because your decision, matters.

Fanning the Flames and When to Douse Them

Actors have fans.
Movies have fans.
Games of sport have fans.
Sometimes, fans of sports are rather rabid in their enthusiasm. Same goes for bands and other music groups. Fans at concerts can be so wild as to rival sports buffs.

Authors and books have fans too, although I'm not aware of riots being caused by a favorite author speaking at a Barnes and Noble.
That would be something to see.

Then again, I guess fans of movies made from books do tend to exhibit things a bit ... different than most.

Fans of a book or book series have taken it a step further and it's more in an intellectual vein.

Fan Fiction

Fan Fiction has its place. It is one of the highest of praises for an author. It means that the world the author has built has made such an impact on its readers that they want to stay immersed in that world. And they go so far as to write stories within that imaginary place with all its rules and wonders, and share it with others. That can be a very good thing.

It does not, however, have a place in writing a review.

What do I mean?

It means that a reviewer should not ever ever do any of these things:

Rewrite parts of the book by offering examples of how it "should" have been done.
Rate the book down because the author didn't write it the way you felt she/he should have.

That is not, has not nor ever should be part of writing a review. Period.
A review is an opinion of what is written. Anything else falls into the realm of Fan Fiction.

I realize that it may be hard to resist.

I also realize that a reviewer who does so on their own personal blog, Facebook journal, Live Journal or Word Press account has the right to do anything they want.

This blog is dedicated to the reviewer that contributes to professional review sites. Those sites usually have a reputation, style and format that does not accept shades of Fan Fiction. Remember what I wrote in my past post, Be Good To Me,

"My advice? Before you review for a site, check with the site owners or, if they have it, the list of criteria or FAQs that might provide information about the tone or style of their reviews and what they look for.
Read some of their published reviews and get a feel for what they typically accept."

If the review site lends itself to adventures in mixed reviewing - mashing opinion with fan fiction- then you've found a home for your review. However, most sites I'm aware of do not accept that style.

I realize it's human nature to want to correct a percieved wrong, and that includes the wording or direction in a story. But the only person that can re-write a story is the person who wrote it in the first place - the author.

Please keep that in mind the next time you are tempted to think, "I can do it better."
You can't in your review.
But you can if you wrote your own fan fiction.
Or, better yet, your OWN book, complete with your own rules, wonders and characters.

Getting the Naughty out of the Obsession

For those who have been following my blog they will remember that I explored the use of toys and alternate lifestyles. If you missed it, click HERE.

I find that it’s always good to revisit a covered subject from a different angle.  There are two sides to a coin, right?  Well, sometimes there are many ways to answer the same question.

A challenge for reviewers of steamy and hot romances is in describing the content of their reviews when it comes to one kind or the other.

Marion-Webster defines kink as unconventional sexual taste or behavior.

As for fetish, the online dictionary has this to say:

c : an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression

2: a rite or cult of fetish worshipers

Those are the dry versions and strict interpretations and don’t really touch the reality.  All that the websites tell me is the psychology of a fetish.  But humans have taken the term and made it a lifestyle.  Since romance is all about living, loving and a state of being – that of being in love - and hot, steamy romances explore the more graphic side of the bedroom, reviewers need to be aware of the difference.  

In the world of romances that push the envelope and for people who live an alternate lifestyle, obsession takes on another more intricate and profound layer.  The object or bodily part referred to may be the focus of the moment but it’s a tool, a means to show another level of trust, of need, of experience and heightened awareness – and of the person (the Dom) in charge of meeting that need, feeding that trust and controlling the experience to the benefit of the one being obsessed about (the sub) – there is a huge difference between that and kink.   To that end, toys are used.  As mentioned in the previous post, those toys are intrinsic to the experience and are wielded by a master.  They are not used a few times and forgotten.   They are expected, demanded and part of the whole.  They are part of a consistent pattern, with reward and punishment and the use of spanking, deprivation or overstimulation to enforce the pattern and/or the pleasure.

Being naughty, on the other hand, dabbles.  The couple or couples in question might do it in an elevator, in the dressing room of a department store, on the boss’s desk when he or she isn’t around or behind bushes where anyone who comes by might hear or even see them. The heightened sensual frenzy from being so “naughty” ramps up the excitement and the protagonists experience the thrill of a lifetime.  The couple might even spy on a foursome on a balcony in full view. They might try a light restraints, or spank a few times and find they like it, but it’s not their lifestyle.  It’s a choice for the moment, an experiment or an exploration of what they like as a couple.  They aren’t going to suddenly start going to the clubs, buying the jewelry and have those actions and choices dictate to them on the outside world. It’s usually private, singular and just between them.  There is also the significant lack of the Dom/sub component.

 Another aspect of  getting turned on is by what they wear for shoes, painted toenails or seeing a man’s biceps or pecs.   It snags their attention and hits their hot buttons. Like when a guy wants the woman to wear 4 inch heels because he finds it visually pleasing, stimulating and increases his enjoyment. That’s kink by life’s definition.  It can be naughty, saucy and sensually arousing by the sheer unusualness of it. It’s never dangerous, intrusive or degrading.   It is NOT because it’s a requirement for completion.

However, if it’s the psychological version- these same “preferences” take on a very unhealthy aspect, making the person with the ‘obsession’ unable to perform, find satisfaction or function without it.  Case in point, a man will rob a woman’s home just to be able to smell her underwear and is so obsessive about it, he becomes a scary threat.   Readers will only find villains who go to that extent.  I hope.  The reason I include this topic is for reviewers to be aware.  Readers will be expecting some fun scenes and instead get something nightmarish.

This whole exercise is to clear up any confusion between choosing to label actions in a story as kink or fetish.

A couple in a glass elevator getting their jollies from doing something in full view of the public by the guy doing something sensually stimulating to the woman as he’s hidden from view behind her is a kink. 

A couple in a glass elevator where the male Dom orders the submissive woman not to do something as he croons to her, tells her what her punishment will be if she dares to do what he said not to,  is labeled fetish.  

Reviewers, please be aware of what the difference is between kink and fetish.  There are some readers that in no way want to read about elements of those alternate lifestyles in their books but won’t mind a little naughtiness.  The information you provide helps readers make the best choice for their time and money. 

Fish, Mice and Readers

What do fish, mice and readers have in common?

Bait.

For the first two, responding to bait isn't a good thing. For a reader, it can be a rewarding experience.
What do I refer to?
The first sentence or first couple of sentences in a review.

Why is that such a big deal?

That is where a reviewer has a chance to set the 'bait'.

Why would anyone want to entice a reader?

The purpose is to pique a reader's interest. ((Notice it's piqued and not peaked? That's a soap box for a different day ))

Ideally, bait gets a reader to read the rest of the review, to get interested in checking out the book further and in a perfect world, buy the book.

It's also called the 'Hook'. Yes, I've covered this topic in the past.  If you've not had the pleasure, sink your teeth into these past gems.

HERE
and
HERE

I'm pretty sure I covered it in depth but refreshers and reminders never go amiss.

The following are the first few sentences of a review which in my estimation are exactly the punch I'm talking about.

My fingers are still tingling from the erotic heat coming off this book. I was completely hooked after only a few pages and refused to stop reading until I had finished. This book had me captivated by its well written plot and titillating eroticism.

Review

In a hurry, but need a quick jolt of sensual excitement and seduction? Hop right into this very steamy tale because each command, every quivering sigh delivering a breathy ‘yes’, will jump start a reader’s pulse into overdrive. Once again Ms. Alex zeroes in on what a woman likes to read that seduces her mind and her senses.

Review

Proceed with caution when using Powertools, you just never know how hot they are going to get. Jayne Rylon’s fourth book in her Powertools series, Devon’s Pair, is smokin’ hot and exceptionally dirty!

Review

Life is never easy, especially when you are the nerdy heavy girl in love with the town hunk. Maxine’s love for Noah has nothing to do with his looks and more to do with the man he is when only she is around

Review

Garrett thought everything at home was just fine. He’d never been more wrong about anything in his life.

Review

Love is a light that keeps the darkness of evil at bay. However, memories of fear in a dark closet and echoes of the words—God does not listen to bad girl’s prayers—rules Adriane Darcy’s response to many things that happen.

Review

The preceding are examples that provide tantalizing information with words that make an impact in the first thirty seconds. Sometimes, that's all a reviewer has if they want to get their review read. Some readers will read it anyway because of the author or subject matter. But for readers who pop in just to check out reviews and to learn about new things they might want to try, those first few sentences that lead into that first paragraph are crucial.

Here's a comparison of the same book: Touch If You Dare by Stephanie Rowe

Reina is on a mission to save the life of her sister. She has failed to save her mother and seven other sisters, so she is determined to do whatever it takes. Unfortunately, saving Natalie’s life will involve killing and reaping souls. Reina works for Death, and he has offered her a promotion (with extra powers and tools) if she will kill the world’s most talented assassin.

Review

She’s working hard on trying to be a reaper for death. He’s trying to stay alive and not explode from the hate and anger he carries around in him. Ideal couple, don’t you think?

Review

The above two examples show the difference between a recitation versus an infusion of the reviewer's personal touch. The second offers a question which suggests a tone of cheek and sarcasm. When I read it the first time, the first thing I thought was "Oooh, a conflict of the sexes and that means trouble!" -- My reaction to the first example, was, "Okay - thanks for the info."

The next two comparisons I'm adding as a lark. Although the first line is a bit more grabbing, what follows is a bit of a downer. The second review's first line doesn't have any fire but the tone of the following review is much more optimistic and easier on the mind's stress level.

His Destiny by Diana Cosby

Secret keeping between the hero and heroine is always a problem when it comes to romance

Review

Traumatic experiences in childhood govern the psyche of both Emma Astyn and Sir Patrik Cleary MacGruder.

Review

The last comparison between two reviews is focused on the very first line. Granted, the site I'm linking to has a different format, so I'm not too sure what a search engine would pull up as a "first line". In this case, I scrolled down to where the actual meat of the review started.

The book in question is: Sex, Lies and Midnight by Tawny Weber

Sex, Lies, and Midnight is the second installment to Tawny Weber's Undercover Operatives series.

Review

I’ve been hoodwinked in the most delightful manner.

Review

Which of the last two has more originality in it? It's the clearest, shortest example of my point.

The first sentence isn't supposed to be facts that a reader can get off of the blurb or the publisher's site. Certainly it's not supposed to be a statement of where the book lands in a series. B.O.R.I.N.G. !!

It's supposed to be the reviewer's own words, expressing something that condenses a thought or feeling about the book.
Sizzle
Pop
Tingle
Hoodwinked
Proceed with caution

There are as many ways to grab attention as there are books to read. There is no official right way, but there are plenty of wrong ways. Putting a reader to sleep is a wrong way. Reiterating the outline of the story is too Dragnet - just the facts Ma'am.

This is about...
Character's name, is an orphan, a woman, a man, an alien, a slug
This takes place.....
This is the seventeenth adventure in a long line of adventures about a family with a lot of kids who get into a lot of trouble. ::sigh:
This is this, that is that.
zzzzzzzzzzz

Wake me up when you find a good one.

The Rapunzel Effect

What does Rapunzel have in common with reviews?
Try letting it all hang down.
Rapunzel lets down her hair - as a big hairy dump or a sensual unrolling of locks.
Reviews...well they can take an author's hopes and either slam them down to the ground or have those same hopes sensitively addressed by a gentle waterfall of words that won't harm but inform.

What am I really referring to? Lower rated reviews of the 2-3 level and the words used to address and explain what put them there in the first place.

First let me say that for LASR/WC, a three rating isn't that bad of a rating. I have no idea why or how it got the bad rap in the first place. Books with a three rating have always been enjoyable and entertaining, they just don't make me dream about them at night, nor do they make me want to rush out and buy every and all books in an author's backlist. What a three rating has always done for me is to pass the time in an enjoyable and welcome manner. When glitches are found, and they always are, the story and/or characters were done well enough that it didn't matter, I still found merit in the story. I still am glad I read it. And I'm happy to say so.

A three rating also means that as a reviewer I have the responsibilty to explain what I felt held the story back. The most important component of meeting that responsibility is to respect the author and her/his work and be as factual, professional and courteous as you can be. There should not be any attacks on the author by making personal references that try to connect the faults in the story with perceived faults in the person. That's ludicrous and unacceptable behavior.

Please bear in mind that I refer to reviews on professional sites and not personal blogs. People's personal blog space can be anything they want it to be and that means anything goes - free speech.

That being said, I ask, "What do you think drags down a story?"

My first thought is editing. If it's a self-published book then it's the author's complete burden. If it's published with a big house or even a smaller e-pub that has editors, then the editors let the author down. But some editing is so bad that it sinks the story. If a reader feels disconnected more than involved because of the constant interruption, that would prevent a higher mark.

What are some specific things that would drag a story down? Depending on degree, there are:
* Too Stupid To Live (TSTL) Hero or Heroine
* Plot holes - makes no sense
* Too many coincidences - how convenient and pat
* Bad or lazy research - American Slang used by a British character that's never been to America and the book takes place in England
* Telling instead of showing
* Head hopping - too many (POV) point of view shifts in too short a space
* Narrative or passive story telling

Those are just a few. The trick to mentioning these types of things in a review is to couch them with positives especially if it's a three rating. Threes should have plenty of good things to say.

Like I mentioned - Showing is tons better than telling.

So, check out these links that are of reviews with "three" ratings. I believe these to be straightforward, succinct and address the issues of the story itself without going off on unprofessional tangents.

The Boy Next Door
Sunrise in a Garden of Love and Evil
Fallen
Act Like We're In Love
Hot Spanish Nights

Although the last one is a four rating, the review showcased again how issues prevent a good book from being even better.  So, as you can see, there are various ways to express things that didn't work for a reviewer.  Always remember to surround the negatives with positives and the review should always end on a upbeat note.
Any questions?

That *%$^%$ Review!!!

Hello again!

I've been sifting through review sites looking for topics I've not covered and I think I may actually have stumbled upon one.

It was a short review.  But that's not it.
The review didn't tell me much about the story at all.  And nope, that's not it either.
I give high marks for sheer enthusiasm from the reviewer and her excitement certainly came through.
But her excitement inspired her to use certain words that got me wondering - what is the Golden Rule for "those" kind of words? 
Should they be allowed in reviews?
Are there exceptions?
Do they lessen a review's integrity??

Of course, it would help if you could see what am I referring to.  Take a look at this link  Blue Light Special  

See what I mean?  So, I ask you, where do we draw the line?  Should there even be a line?  What words do you find acceptable and in what capacity should they be used, if ever?

My personal feeling is that they should not be used.   I think the reviewer would have been better off using less profanity and more words to actually describe a bit more about the characters, emotions or plot and not focus so much on the bedroom.   I'm glad the sheet action was good.  Really, I am.  But as a reader, that's not good enough for me.  

What is your opinion or thoughts?