Getting the Naughty out of the Obsession

For those who have been following my blog they will remember that I explored the use of toys and alternate lifestyles. If you missed it, click HERE.

I find that it’s always good to revisit a covered subject from a different angle.  There are two sides to a coin, right?  Well, sometimes there are many ways to answer the same question.

A challenge for reviewers of steamy and hot romances is in describing the content of their reviews when it comes to one kind or the other.

Marion-Webster defines kink as unconventional sexual taste or behavior.

As for fetish, the online dictionary has this to say:

c : an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression

2: a rite or cult of fetish worshipers

Those are the dry versions and strict interpretations and don’t really touch the reality.  All that the websites tell me is the psychology of a fetish.  But humans have taken the term and made it a lifestyle.  Since romance is all about living, loving and a state of being – that of being in love - and hot, steamy romances explore the more graphic side of the bedroom, reviewers need to be aware of the difference.  

In the world of romances that push the envelope and for people who live an alternate lifestyle, obsession takes on another more intricate and profound layer.  The object or bodily part referred to may be the focus of the moment but it’s a tool, a means to show another level of trust, of need, of experience and heightened awareness – and of the person (the Dom) in charge of meeting that need, feeding that trust and controlling the experience to the benefit of the one being obsessed about (the sub) – there is a huge difference between that and kink.   To that end, toys are used.  As mentioned in the previous post, those toys are intrinsic to the experience and are wielded by a master.  They are not used a few times and forgotten.   They are expected, demanded and part of the whole.  They are part of a consistent pattern, with reward and punishment and the use of spanking, deprivation or overstimulation to enforce the pattern and/or the pleasure.

Being naughty, on the other hand, dabbles.  The couple or couples in question might do it in an elevator, in the dressing room of a department store, on the boss’s desk when he or she isn’t around or behind bushes where anyone who comes by might hear or even see them. The heightened sensual frenzy from being so “naughty” ramps up the excitement and the protagonists experience the thrill of a lifetime.  The couple might even spy on a foursome on a balcony in full view. They might try a light restraints, or spank a few times and find they like it, but it’s not their lifestyle.  It’s a choice for the moment, an experiment or an exploration of what they like as a couple.  They aren’t going to suddenly start going to the clubs, buying the jewelry and have those actions and choices dictate to them on the outside world. It’s usually private, singular and just between them.  There is also the significant lack of the Dom/sub component.

 Another aspect of  getting turned on is by what they wear for shoes, painted toenails or seeing a man’s biceps or pecs.   It snags their attention and hits their hot buttons. Like when a guy wants the woman to wear 4 inch heels because he finds it visually pleasing, stimulating and increases his enjoyment. That’s kink by life’s definition.  It can be naughty, saucy and sensually arousing by the sheer unusualness of it. It’s never dangerous, intrusive or degrading.   It is NOT because it’s a requirement for completion.

However, if it’s the psychological version- these same “preferences” take on a very unhealthy aspect, making the person with the ‘obsession’ unable to perform, find satisfaction or function without it.  Case in point, a man will rob a woman’s home just to be able to smell her underwear and is so obsessive about it, he becomes a scary threat.   Readers will only find villains who go to that extent.  I hope.  The reason I include this topic is for reviewers to be aware.  Readers will be expecting some fun scenes and instead get something nightmarish.

This whole exercise is to clear up any confusion between choosing to label actions in a story as kink or fetish.

A couple in a glass elevator getting their jollies from doing something in full view of the public by the guy doing something sensually stimulating to the woman as he’s hidden from view behind her is a kink. 

A couple in a glass elevator where the male Dom orders the submissive woman not to do something as he croons to her, tells her what her punishment will be if she dares to do what he said not to,  is labeled fetish.  

Reviewers, please be aware of what the difference is between kink and fetish.  There are some readers that in no way want to read about elements of those alternate lifestyles in their books but won’t mind a little naughtiness.  The information you provide helps readers make the best choice for their time and money.