Dude, I Ain't Got No Writing Talent

I hope the subject line made you cringe.

My brain hurt having to write it. It's a wonderful example of poor English. However, it might be considered real dialogue. It might even give flavor to a character in a scene, for good or ill, in a book.

Current vernacular is appropriate for dialogue in novels, screenplays or in verbal exchanges. Mangled English can give hints as to a protagonist's or antagonist's background, history or culture, or intent. Nothing like injecting a little relatable reality to a story to capture a reader's interest.

Writing as you speak or converse should not be the method used for writing a thesis for college, or a cover letter to go with a resume. There's a certain expectation for correct grammar, punctuation and spelling aptitude that a professor or hiring HR director looks for. No professional report, grant or article, or anything that strives to be professional, will be taken seriously if it is riddled with sloppy grammar/spelling and pop culture colloquialisms.

Readers have the same expectations of a novel - good grammar/spelling but with realistic dialogue. Grammar mash-ups aren't out of place in that venue.

The same cannot be said of a review.

Reviewers need to avoid sloppy writing, especially if you want to be taken seriously.

Please avoid:

Should of (should have)
Could of (could have)
Sayin' (saying)
Nothin' (nothing)
Gotta (got to)
Sista or Sistah (sister)
supposably (supposedly)
definately or defiantely (definitely)
Text-Speak

Issues with:

Your vs. You're
Its vs. It's
Too vs To vs Two (it's happened)
Peek vs. Peak vs. Pique (a common, too common, issue)
Alot - no no no - A. Lot. It's two words. Two separate words. A lot

Be alert for:

Pluralizing words with apostrophe S (throwing pies is load's of fun, his chicken's are breakdancing)
Being too familiar - (Dude, this book knocked my socks off, Sista, you gotta read this! )
Using profanity (This book scared the shit out of me!)

Don’t make nouns into verbs.
Starting a sentence with and/but/or - those go in the middle of a sentence connecting two related sentences, because they are conjunctions.

Forgetting to capitalize the proper nouns in a book title.
Forgetting to capitalize the beginning letters of a sentence.
Forgetting to check the spelling of an author's name, character's name or book title.

I know there are more examples. In fact, I'd appreciate it if visitors contribute their own examples of "sloppy writing" pet peeves. Highlighting them might make mistakes quicker to spot and easier to avoid.

How to Write Lower-Rated Reviews

Please welcome my fellow reviewer, Astilbe.

Though a skilled reviewer of books in all ratings, she has honed writing reviews of lower rated books into an art form. When asked how she did it so well and so consistently, and if she could share her insights with other reviewers, she responded with writing this post. I'm very grateful and honored to share this with you, with permission.

How to Write Lower-Rated Reviews

When I use the phrase “lower-rated reviews,” I’m talking about the books that land in the 2.5 to 3.5 star rating range.

Aside from technical criticisms about the use of inconsistent tenses or grammatical errors, writing reviews is a highly subjective experience. You and I could read the same story and come away with very different opinions of it based on just about anything: pet peeves, whether or not this is a genre you regularly read, your expertise on something the author might not know as much about, etc., etc. It’s important to keep this in mind as you’re writing because there’s no way to know if the people who read your review share your point of view. What I consider to be an overused trope in, say, the mystery genre might be something that you think is vital for a truly satisfying ending. (And vice versa!)

There are definitely still things to like about stories that earn lower ratings: descriptive settings, interesting characters, strong pacing, unique plot twists, etc. The list is endless, but these tend to be the types of potential compliments I look for first when I’m figuring out what to say about them. Feel free to pick out anything you enjoyed about it, though, as long as it’s an honest compliment.

I always jot down my impressions about a tale as I’m reading it. It’s especially easy to overlook the good stuff when you’re in the middle of something you don’t immediately love, so these phrases or very short sentences jog my memory later on when I’m writing the review.

Of course, there will also be issues that you as the reviewer feel compelled to bring up. This is where the sandwich rule comes in. (Link to Sandwich Rule)  Here is the basic template I use for my reviews:

INTRODUCTION

POSITIVE FEEDBACK

NEGATIVE FEEDBACK

POSITIVE FEEDBACK

CONCLUSION

If I have a lot to say, I’ll repeat the positive and negative feedback as often as is necessary, but I always end with something positive.

Every one of us has strengths and weaknesses, and constructive criticism is much easier to swallow if you’re also told what you’re doing right. Helping authors get better at their craft is a huge part of why we write reviews after all!

On the very rare occasion that I can’t find enough positive things to say about a book, I’ll return it. About half of the time another reviewer has later requested those stories. It made me happy to see that someone else enjoyed them, and it’s never a good idea to force the issue if you truly don’t like a particular novel.

As an author I know how hard it is to hear that someone didn’t like your work. One of the reasons why I decided to volunteer at LASR is that I loved their strict “No Snark!” policy. Consider these two (completely hypothetical) criticisms: “This story sucks! How can something that’s only 60 pages long be so slow? And who the heck is Darren, again? What a waste of time.”

and

“The pacing was uneven from beginning to end. While I understand the author’s urge to include so much backstory in the first two chapters, it would have been helpful to jump into the action sooner given that this is a short story instead of a full-length novel. Anna’s blossoming relationship with Darren was fascinating, and I think that exploring that further while they were on the run would have provided more than enough clues about why she was so eager to protect him despite the horrible danger they were in. It also would have given the author more time to explain the ending in better detail.”

The first criticism is basically just a rant. We know the reviewer didn’t like this story, but we don’t know anything specific about why they feel that way. As a potential new fan, I wouldn’t put much stock into this review because it’s so vague and negative. It could have been written about just about any romantic mystery out there, and that doesn’t make it helpful for me while I’m deciding whether or not to find out what happens to these particular characters.

The second criticism explains why the reviewer felt this way in detail without cursing or insulting all of the author’s hard work. If the author writes a sequel to Anna and Darren’s adventures, he or she will know that this reviewer loved seeing these characters get to know each other but wishes the exciting stuff had started a few chapters sooner. This is specific information that can be used to make real adjustments in how he or she writes future stories.

(Or maybe the author will decide that they like this hypothetical series just the way it is! But at least now they know WHY their book only earned 2.5 stars in this particular review).

This brings me to the other reason why we write reviews: to help readers find great new books! As I mentioned earlier, there’s no possible way for me to know ahead of time if my audience will agree with my perspective.

Luckily, precognition isn’t a requirement for putting together a good review.

While I definitely keep the author in mind while I'm writing, I also think of the review as a conversation with a friend who wants to know what I’ve been reading. If he or she asked me what I really thought of book X, I’d be completely honest with him or her.

If I really loved Anna’s character development, I’m going to gush about it. This is something that’s extremely important to me when I’m deciding what to read next, so when I find a great protagonist I’ll tell everyone about him or her.

If the ending made me say, “Huh?” I’ll bring it up diplomatically (without giving away spoilers, of course). They might not agree with my dismay, but at least they’ll know ahead of time that the last 10% of the plot wasn’t as fun for me as the first 90%.

My final piece of advice might sound kind of silly at first, but it really helps me figure out where to go next when I’m stuck.

Read what you have so far out loud.

Pause for a moment.

What’s missing?

What would you say next if you were talking about this story instead of writing about it?

This isn’t a foolproof trick, of course, but it has helped me figure out where to go next by getting my mind back into the tone of the story I’m thinking about. A lighthearted romance is going to require a completely different mindset than would a post-apocalyptic zombie thriller or a hard-boiled mystery, after all.

Happy reviewing!

Everyone's a Critic, Right?

That's right; everyone has an opinion about something.
Some folks criticize to correct someone and challenges them to help them grow.
Some folks criticize to demean and destroy.  Cue: Snark

But, there is a flip side to criticism - both good and bad.

But what IS criticism?

For reviewing purposes, I chose this explanation: The analysis or evaluation of a work of art, literature, etc.

That's a basic definition and it applies to reviewing. It's the part that takes a story to task for failing a reader at certain points. I admit, it can be incredibly hard to be a constructive critic. Human nature has a tendency to go overboard sometimes.

But the hardest part about being a critic and exercising critical thinking is when a reviewer is conflicted.

What puts a reviewer in such a position? To feel torn, or obligated? When they are asked to crit a friend's work - doesn't matter if it's about a book, a screenplay or a poem.

When a person is emotionally vested in a relationship, whether personal or professional, the ability of a person to be objectively critical is compromised and feelings oftentimes are in the driver's seat.

If you are asked to review a friend's book, do you? As a rule, the answer should be no. I'm not talking about a situation where you really don't want to read and review their book, but when you do want to. And along with that wanting to read their story and offer up your opinions, you run the risk of getting on your own emotional roller coaster - and it's not a pleasant ride.

Guilt will plague you.
Worry will haunt you.
Second guessing yourself will torment you.

Are you being too harsh? Will whatever you point out as 'wrong' hurt your friend's feelings? How accurate can your crit be if you are constantly trying to couch your suggestions so as to not hurt someone, or worse, make them angry? How fair are you being? No wait, are you being unfair? I think you can get an idea as to where this is going.

I guess a lot depends on the kind of relationship you have with the person whose work you are critting. If you are lucky, there's an established trust where the author has a thick skin and understands the vein in which the crits are presented thereby allowing you to honestly share how the book really affected you - the good, the bad, and the hilarious.

But, I believe one of the worst case scenarios is of a reviewer taking on a book to review for someone, and by virtue of feelings of obligation, duty, friendship or hero-worship, gives a glowing, gushing high-five write-up that whitewashes the whole book into a shining example of perfection, when it's possibly anything but.

That does an author a huge disservice.

I repeat, giving a carte blanche glowing review no matter what does not benefit the author in any way, except perhaps, ego. But that's ephemeral at best.

Another point about that practice, and let me be clear, is that it hurts a reviewer's credibility. The damage doesn't necessarily stop there either. If you review for a professional review site, it could compromise their reputation. If you give a book a top rating whereas all the other ones are much less, it calls into question the veracity of the review, and by association, the review site as a whole.
Now, before you jump all over that last sentence and remind me about reviews being opinions, let me explore that difference.

If a book is riddled with errors and blatant plot holes and objective points of criticism that would always and everywhere lower a rating in a review and THAT book still gets a glowing gushy top rating from you with absolutely no acknowledgement of the well known issues that have come to light in other reviews, then it stands out like Jeff Foxworthy at a mime convention.

Another compromising position for a reviewer is one who is a diehard, devout fan of an author or series.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with following a series. Nothing at all. If, and that's a big IF, the reviewer can step back from his or her fandom and view the book objectively. That means being willing and able to point out any inconsistencies or plot issues like they would have for any other book and not only mention them, but rate it accordingly.

As long as a reviewer can do that, then review away. Because let's face it. There is no way an author can consistently have top ratings or best book ratings for every single book in a fifteen book series without at least once or twice dropping the ball and falling through a plot hole, get confused on a head hop or create a character so flat, they don't even warrant the title of pancake. Authors are human too.
The bottom line?

Review with honesty.
Review with a pragmatic approach.
Review without guilt or pressure or perceived expectations.
Be willing to give constructive criticism.
Be willing to say no.

And if you can't say 'no', or are totally crushing on wanting to read that story, then do yourself and the author a favor.

Rate the book on how it really is, and NOT on how you think they'd want you to rate it.

All authors want to hear their baby is great. It's human nature. But as kids need braces to fix oral misalignment, so too do authors need to hear what doesn't work, so they can correct it and write a better scene the next time.

Yes, everyone can try be a critic. But not everyone knows how to, or when not to. And that's the difference.

Fanning the Flames and When to Douse Them

Actors have fans.
Movies have fans.
Games of sport have fans.
Sometimes, fans of sports are rather rabid in their enthusiasm. Same goes for bands and other music groups. Fans at concerts can be so wild as to rival sports buffs.

Authors and books have fans too, although I'm not aware of riots being caused by a favorite author speaking at a Barnes and Noble.
That would be something to see.

Then again, I guess fans of movies made from books do tend to exhibit things a bit ... different than most.

Fans of a book or book series have taken it a step further and it's more in an intellectual vein.

Fan Fiction

Fan Fiction has its place. It is one of the highest of praises for an author. It means that the world the author has built has made such an impact on its readers that they want to stay immersed in that world. And they go so far as to write stories within that imaginary place with all its rules and wonders, and share it with others. That can be a very good thing.

It does not, however, have a place in writing a review.

What do I mean?

It means that a reviewer should not ever ever do any of these things:

Rewrite parts of the book by offering examples of how it "should" have been done.
Rate the book down because the author didn't write it the way you felt she/he should have.

That is not, has not nor ever should be part of writing a review. Period.
A review is an opinion of what is written. Anything else falls into the realm of Fan Fiction.

I realize that it may be hard to resist.

I also realize that a reviewer who does so on their own personal blog, Facebook journal, Live Journal or Word Press account has the right to do anything they want.

This blog is dedicated to the reviewer that contributes to professional review sites. Those sites usually have a reputation, style and format that does not accept shades of Fan Fiction. Remember what I wrote in my past post, Be Good To Me,

"My advice? Before you review for a site, check with the site owners or, if they have it, the list of criteria or FAQs that might provide information about the tone or style of their reviews and what they look for.
Read some of their published reviews and get a feel for what they typically accept."

If the review site lends itself to adventures in mixed reviewing - mashing opinion with fan fiction- then you've found a home for your review. However, most sites I'm aware of do not accept that style.

I realize it's human nature to want to correct a percieved wrong, and that includes the wording or direction in a story. But the only person that can re-write a story is the person who wrote it in the first place - the author.

Please keep that in mind the next time you are tempted to think, "I can do it better."
You can't in your review.
But you can if you wrote your own fan fiction.
Or, better yet, your OWN book, complete with your own rules, wonders and characters.

Spam Spam Spam I Am - NOT!

First, a nod to Monty Python's Spam. 

I find it amazing that it's the perfect tie-in to teach about repetitive words in a review.  I have covered this issue before and I thought it was pretty clear about how annoying a Broken Record could be. However, it is a topic that begs to be revisited because it's a trap that we all fall into frequently.  It not only plagues reviewers but authors as well.

The use of the same word to refer to an item repeated in close proximity in the same paragraph is to be avoided. Like the counter 'lady's' reaction to all that repetitive Spam flying around, I too want to scream, "Enough!"  

The word most often abused is 'story'.  Here are other options to try in your review to break up the bad habit of story-itis.

Book
Cliffhanger
Comedy
Drama
Epic
Fable
Fantasy
Folk tale
Legend
Myth
Novel
Novella
Or use the actual title of the book instead of  "this story"
Plot
Saga
Sequel
Story line
Tale
Tall tale
Tear jerker
This mystery
This whodunit
This romance, the romance
Thriller
Yarn

I have a suggestion.  If you have a search function or (edit and replace) on whatever program you use to write your reviews on your computer, plug in the word "story" and see how often it shows up and where.  Same with "book".  They seem to be the most repeated and need to be mixed up and stirred. 

The goal of this post is to polish your writing style. I hope this list helps.  Too much of a good thing, like SPAM, can make you sick. Using the same word over and over again in a 250 word review is not a good thing. Read it aloud and you'll see.

If there are other words that you find yourself over-using, let me know.  I can research and come up with another comprehensive list that other reviewers can reference.   And, if you have other words that I missed that I can add to the above 'story', I'd love to see them and I'll update this post.

Thanks!  

Play the Match Game

Remember Match Game back in the 1970s? Ah, that Gene Rayburn was a kick.
And I just dated myself. LOL

However, it's not a game that I'm referring to with that post title. Nor is it very humorous. In my archives, I did a post called The Rapunzel Effect. One of the comments inspired a reply from me that truly created a spark of emotion.

I was talking about reviews rated a three on the LASR or Whipped Cream review sites. That rating isn't necessarily a bad thing at all. It's what I term a summer read: something fun, it helps to pass the time in an enjoyable manner. Sometimes a reader doesn't want a heavy hitter, just an infusion of romance. Short stories do that but they also tend to see more three ratings than not.

Why do I think 3 has a bad rap? Easy - it's because of how the review is written. The Rapunzel Effect addresses that so I'm not going to repeat myself.

What I am trying to point out is this: The rating has to match the review.

A review simply cannot have the words: excellent, perfect, great, in the conclusion of the review where previously, the writer was blasting negatives throughout. The review will not be taken seriously--especially if the reviewer decided to give a four or better rating.
The reader is going to come away scratching their head, "I thought the reviewer hated the book.(?)"

Here's a review of one of my favorite stories. It's a four book rating but the writer mentions something that justifies it being a four. I also think if it hadn't been included, I would have expected a higher rating, but that could be my personal prejudice.
GOING OVERBOARD

A reviewer cannot give a gushing and glowing report and use those same positive words yet give a three rating. That makes no sense! There has be something that prevented it from getting a higher score. The reviewer has to say so. Has to. Otherwise, how can a reader trust the rating?
Here's an example: DON'T FENCE ME IN

Don't even get me started on how the review doesn't even give a potential reader any insight. That's a different post. But, see what I mean?
She claimed it was 'well researched' and 'solid'. So, why didn't it rate higher?

A better example of a three rating is this: BEHIND THE BENCH

Sure, something wasn't quite perfect for her, but the fact that the reviewer enjoyed the reading experience was not lost on me.

Now in this example, the reviewer hated the book. The tone of the review and the rating totally matched. I don't advocate this type of harsh and in depth microscopic carnage but the writer certainly was eloquent in her distaste. LOVE IN THE TIME OF DRAGONS.

By the same token, whenever a reviewer gives a reason for a three book or cherry, they need to do it with respect and civility. Reviews are not supposed to make an author bleed.

If authors are seeing a lot of negative and scathing comments regarding their work, and the majority of those are rated threes, it's not a wonder that poor little number 3 has had a bad rep. It's not fair. It's a generic paint brush tactic that is tarnishing everything.

A three rating can be a good thing, TEXT ME
- when the review is written right. Need a Refresher? REVIEWS CLASS #2

Make the rating match the review. Make sense. And play nice.

Hats Off to Editors of Reviews

I personally think that editors of reviews have a slightly harder time than other kinds of editors. I want to thank them for doing their job to the best they can and maybe send a bottle of Aleve with the box of chocolates they deserve.

Why do I think they have a more challenging task? I've touched upon it before in previous posts. The fact that many reviewers are readers and many do not work in an industry where writing is part of their job description is the reason I say that. If creative word use is required on the job, a person gets used to being aware of a level of perfectionism required to produce an acceptable product. That includes: editing, rewrites, grammar and punctuation, format, and proper spelling.

There are those of us whose writing challenges in day to day life are no more than writing checks, filling out forms and maybe a "Please excuse BobbyJohn for the day" note to a teacher. All the practicing and demands of school work are long past having any relevancy to your day to day survival. The basics are there but there is no need to stretch your writing muscles any longer.

Unless you are an avid reader. Unless you have a passion of talking about favorite books to your friends with like interests. That can translate into wanting to share more in a different kind of way and you take the next step into a brand new world - reviewing. Reviewing is sharing in written form your love and/or your opinions about a book with others. And that form has almost as many rules as a short essay in high school or college. But this time, you want to do it. This time it's about the subject that you chose. This time, you are in control-but, there are still rules. And that is where editors come in, if a review site is fortunate enough to have them.

Reviews editors have to deal with many issues yet remain polite, firm, professional and have a thick skin. They have to deal with book readers who come from every walk of life that might have no actual training on what writing a review actually looks like. Through disuse, readers turned reviewers have spelling and grammar issues; they're rusty. So,on top of format and content, an editor has to do double duty. Some reviewers are sensitive to any type of suggestion of correction and they sometimes take it personally, so that thick skin comes in handy for an editor.

New reviewers need to understand that they're on a new learning curve.
How can a new reviewing relationship work? First, be open to being corrected. Don't take it personally. Make sure you understand the format. If there is a template provided to write the review, use it. If you have any questions, ask, ask, ask! Don't guess and don't assume. The site Admin and/or editor(s) will be happy to answer questions because they know that helping you helps them in the long run.

New reviewers also need to do one more important thing. LEARN. Oh, wait. Make that two things. Learn and APPLY. Being corrected is no fun the first time around but being asked by an editor to correct the same thing over and over and over? Well, that's just plain frustrating. And silly. I mean really! If that attitude of refusing to learn and improve was adopted by an author, their books would never get published. What a bleak place our world would be! By the same token, the same thing applies to your reviews - eventually they might not be able to use your reviews if they constantly require repeat editing -- not to mention that it takes time away from your ability to continue reading and reviewing other books. Where's the fun in that? So save time for YOU and your editor by LEARNING and APPLYING. And keep the fun and excitement of being a reviewer alive and kicking.

No one expects Pulitzer-type writing-- just genuine feelings about the effect the book had on you. And use the tools that come with most word processing programs. The all important (link) SPELL CHECKER


Spell Checkers are found easily enough on the Web if your computer doesn't have it already. The thing is - writing reviews is similar to writing a book. How? If an author submits a poorly edited manuscript with spelling errors, it either gets tossed out immediately (doomed to fail), or if there were only a few, it may not tank it but the book will absolutely be returned to the author for corrections of every single error. In light of that, reviewers need to understand that they too will have to expect editing requests and they have to take them as they are meant - to make your good review better, to make it shine and to insure your point gets across to other readers of your review.

Are spell check programs perfect? Heck No! Refer to the spell checker link and look at that paragraph to the right. It's a silly poem but it shows the imperfections in the program. It suggests using a language model but I've never come across one to use. In fact, until I read that, I had no clue that even existed! I love learning new stuff. Anyway, that's another reason why an editor is vital. Sometimes the human eye and brain is best. But it starts with YOUR eyes and brain first. Check for those words that look right but are not. Check for the spelling of the author's name and/or the character's names because Spell Checker has no clue about things in Gaelic or Sci-Fi names like Raptalina Argriptos Minor and the Piper Pirates. It's team work even if we only work together through the Internet.

So, Hats off
to editors everywhere. And cut them some slack. Their job is to buff your work and make it sparkle and shine. But you, the reviewer, have to put the figurative wax on your review first. When you make that effort there's a good chance you may not even NEED an editor's input. Or if you do work with one, eventually you'll get the idea of what you have to do and will no longer get emails from that editor. When that happens, you've graduated and become a professional. And I still say that looks great on a job resume.